Kira's Birthday

Kira was born on Saturday, January 19th, at 3:36 AM. She weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces, and was 19 inches long. We are told that she has a head full of beautiful black hair. We are also told that she is "perfect". D is doing as well as can be expected after a C-section. J is very happy and proud.

J & D have decided to parent Kira themselves. Kira will be our niece, and not our daughter. Ian is doing O.K. with the news. He has gone to Kira's crib a couple of times and has looked into the crib and said, "I love baby Kira". He is unable to fully express his grief, but he is doing O.K. He knows that Kira will no longer be his sister. He knows that Kira will live with Aunt D and Uncle J. He understands that he will see her on occasion, and that she is not gone forever. Ian asked me if he could take his toy that he bought for Kira to her in the hospital. Jim and I told him that he could. We will be going to the hospital tomorrow so that Ian can give his present to his first cousin.

We will also be giving J & D all of the gifts that we have acquired for Kira over the past nine months. They will have a plethora of things from us: sheets, towels, blankets, clothing, pacifiers, pack-n-play, bouncy seat, bathtub and supplies, hamper, Boppy pillows, toys, bottles, and bibs. We are going to make every effort to make sure that J & D know that we still love them, and that we don't want things to be "weird" between us. Jim and I are broken, but God will mend us and lift us up. We know that He has a better plan for our lives, just waiting around the corner. I am excited about learning about God's plan for our lives.

J & D, if you are reading this, please understand that Jim and I love you. We love you without pretense or justification. We love you because Jesus Christ loved us enough to die on the cross and save us from our sins. We love you because God calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves. If we were in your shoes, we would want our brother and sister-in-law to not be mad or angry with us. We are not mad, and we are not angry. We are grateful to you, J & D, because for a time, you gave us hope. You gave us a purpose to keep going on. When we had our miscarriage in May, we thought that our journey for having children was over. And then, you gave us something to look forward to. We love Kira with all of our heart, and we know that she will have a wonderful family, in you, to live and grow-up with. We hope that you will see that Jim and I are NOT the kind of Christians that you have witnessed in the past. We do not say one thing, and mean another. We love you because Jesus loves us. And Jesus loves all of us - even you. We hope that you will see His love through our ability to forgive and forget. We hope that you will allow yourselves to experience the love of Christ, and perhaps, join a church in your area. We would love for you to spend eternity with us in Heaven someday. We love you so much, and we would really miss you if you were not in Heaven with us rejoicing at the end of our days.

This will be the last entry on this blog. It has been a wonderful journey of hope and longing. We ask that anyone reading this will pray that J & D will have peace and wisdom in the years ahead - so that they may know how to parent Kira to the best of their ability. We also ask that anyone reading this blog will pray that J & D will come to know Jesus Christ as He was meant to be known - as a God who LOVES them, no matter what, just like Jim and I love them - no matter what.

I leave you with this: (Romans, 8:1-14) New International Version of the Bible

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned the sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. the mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life, and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature, but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation - but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, and you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."

Goodbye Kira. We will miss you as our daughter, but we will love you as our niece. We know that you are in good hands. We love you.

Love,
Aunt Kris, Uncle Jim, and Cousin Ian

Countdown to Kira

Do you know how many days are left until Kira's due date?

12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TWELVE!!!!!

I can't believe it! Where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday that J & D were on the phone saying that they were unexpectedly pregnant and wanting to know if Jim and I would be willing to parent their child........then, BOOM!........Now, we're 12 days from Kira....OR LESS! Unbelievable. Totally unbelievable.

In our household, the bottles are washed and the armoire and changing table are organized and stocked. The crib is set-up and the formula is in the cabinet. The nursery is decorated, and Ian says his prayers every night: "Dear God, please help Baby Kira grow healthy and strong, so that she can come and live with us and be my little sister." (How cute is THAT?)

This Saturday, some ladies from our church are throwing us a bonafide baby shower. I hope that we will be able to attend the shower! Today, at D's appointment, there was some speculation that perhaps her doctor may want to schedule an induction. If this happens, we will know more on Thursday at D's OB visit. I suppose that D could be induced as early as this Thursday, or as late as next Friday. Either way, we're going to have a baby VERY soon! WOW!

I walked through Kira's room last night and touched all of the things that we have collected for her. I hugged her teddy bears and straightened her crib sheets. I rocked in the chair sitting next to the windows, and I opened a box of wipes just to smell the scent of artificial baby powder that the manufacturers sometimes pump into the packaging. The idea of having a baby in that room was surreal - like a dream.
As I thought about how eerily quiet the nursery was at that time (12:00 AM), I also became keenly aware that Kira's room would not endure many more nights of silence. This thought made me the happiest woman in the world......

After three years of wishing, wanting, praying, hoping, begging, asking why, feeling broken, feeling "abnormal", questioning, anguishing, and making infertility treatments the core of my daily routine - it's finally almost over. I am actually going to be a Mom to a beautiful baby girl in less than two weeks. I am going to have daughter. My son is going to be a big brother at last. All of my greatest dreams are about to come true!

How did I get so lucky? Why am I so blessed? I don't deserve all of this, but I am SO thankful to God and to J & D. God knows the struggles that Jim and I have been through in our long battle with infertility. He knows how horrible our darkest days have been. J & D know that they are giving their daughter a loving home - but I wonder.....do they know that they are giving us a joy that is so complete - so incredibly healing - a joy that surpasses any life event that we have encountered thus far? I don't know that they could possibly comprehend how much Jim and I have wanted another child to love and to teach. I don't think that they could possibly understand the pain that we have experienced in thinking that Ian would be our only child. I don't think that they really know just *HOW* much their little girl is going to be loved by me, and Jim, and her big brother. Do they know that they are giving away a part of themselves to make our broken hearts whole?

We love you, J & D! (((((Hugs to both of you, and Kira too!)))))

Love,
Kris

Kira's Christmas

Our family had a wonderful Christmas season. Santa was very good to Kira, even though she isn't born yet! In December, Kira's room was finished, and her pink stocking hung on the mantle with the rest of the family's stockings. Ian took great pride in emptying Kira's stocking in her absence. Inside, he found:

1. A pacifier

2. A pacifier keeper (holder that keeps the pacifier from falling to the ground)

3. 3 pink onesies

4. Newborn diapers

Ian was so excited to see Kira's goodies. He helped us place her gifts in her room.

J & D were also bearers of gifts for Kira. On Christmas Day, J & D brought over a cute stuffed Siamese cat and a VERY SOFT white bear. They also brought over my favorite toy from when I was a little girl: a "My Little Pony" play set. We placed the pony set on top of Kira's armoire, and we placed the two stuffed animals in Kira's crib. They look so sweet sitting there, waiting for her arrival.

On Friday, December 28th, Kira gave us all a scare. D had to be admitted to the hospital because Kira wasn't moving about as she should. For a little while, we were all afraid that Kira would make her grand appearance 5 weeks early! Thankfully, when D was hooked up to the monitors at the hospital, Kira woke up and started doing her normal circus routine of flips and sommersaults. The doctors proclaimed her completely healthy and sent D (&J) home.

As a result of that scare, Jim and I realized that there are SO many things that we haven't done yet! We decided to make a list and to work on it every single day. Here is the list:

1. Call our new insurance company and the hospital and try to find out how we will be able to add Kira to our insurance, and how we will be able to discharge her from the hospital. We have to get the "on-call" pediatrician at the hospital approved by our insurance company prior to Kira's arrival.

2. Make room in our cabinets for Kira's bottles. Clean and sterilize the bottles.

3. Go through all of Ian's old clothes and pick out gender neutral outfits that Kira would be able to wear from 0 - 3 months.

4. Pack our bags for the hospital. If we are going to be staying in a room with Kira after she arrives, then Jim and I will need a bag packed for our stay in the hospital. Ian will need his bags packed for a stay with a family member. Kira will need her own bag packed with outfits, diapers, pacifiers, etc. We should probably keep these bags with us in the car. (We'll need to keep the camera and the camcorder handy as well!)

5. Get lesson plans for our substitute teachers finalized. When Jim and I are out on adoption leave, our substitutes will need directions to follow!

6. Buy more diapers and wipes! We have some, but not nearly enough!

Whew! That's not TOO bad, but we do have a lot to do! We are getting REALLY excited about Kira coming into our home now. We tell Ian everyday now how many days there are until Kira's due date.

How many are there now?

26!

We have LESS than four weeks now!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!